i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
your like the ambassador to my penis.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
