I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
