3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
