P.S. I can't hear my feet
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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