shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
