I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's blow job season.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
