my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
