Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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