Whod you bang
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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