Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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