Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
MIDGETS
????
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
