I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
