I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
