Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
