I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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