I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
