I hate your face
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
