I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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