We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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