Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
