Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Damn victory sex feels great
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize