woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
