so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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