So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
