What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
