You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
