Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize