I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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