U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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