He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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