By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
