Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
