ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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