Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
