What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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