I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize