Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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