I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
