What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
