He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
