Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
