His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
