The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
