no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
