Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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