i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
