Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
