How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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