there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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