my room smells like sperm. sweet.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
