If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
