guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
