I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
