Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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