Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
