Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
