Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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