Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
