The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
