I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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