I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
