I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
