i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize