Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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