Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
