I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
