Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
