dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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