I'm jealous of your bromance
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
