At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
