I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize