it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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